Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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