He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
