I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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