People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
