you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
