so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
