Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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