Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
