kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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