Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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