the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
