The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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