I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
