**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
