He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
