I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My feet surprised me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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