you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just cropdusted the office
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How naked do you want me to be?
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