Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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