i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
