im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize