drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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