Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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