She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
