I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
