I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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