I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
