I cannot find my penis.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
