The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
