Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
