I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
