i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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