Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
