So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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