whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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