matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk is a universal language darling
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
