She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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