You can't motorboat a personality
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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