I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
