In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
