nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
