I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
