when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
they're like a gay fantastic four
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
