i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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