She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
