mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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