He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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