u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
