i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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