if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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