You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
