Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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