he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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