I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
a search helicopter?!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
