i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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