I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
