I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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