Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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