Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I intend to get homeless drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
