Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
