i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
