Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
