It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
