just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
