She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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