I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
