I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
