cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize