Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
